There are things we don’t understand in this life, like seemingly senseless pain and suffering. Each one of us goes through hardships. And some hardships are indeed more debilitating than others.
What makes us disillusioned with God? It’s different for each one. Today, or tonight in the wee hours of Eastern Standard Time in the US, I think of Judas. Judas was disillusioned with Jesus because Jesus didn’t turn out to be who Judas thought he was. In his disappointment and despair, in his disillusionment, he betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver.
We’ve all betrayed Jesus, we’ve traded in life for what we thought was life only to despair when we’re left empty. When Judas realized what he had done, he despaired and committed suicide. I still wonder if God would’ve given Judas a chance if he had, like Peter, repented–even though Jesus had said it’d be better for him (Judas) if he’d never been born.
We need to remember Judas–for our disillusionment with God, even if it is temporary, can lead us to do great harm to ourselves and others. Like with other maladies of the soul, we need to remain in the body of Christ. This is true whether we are in sickness or in health.
We doubt and bring forth our disillusionment in a safe place (a safe part of Christ’s body). Maybe we can’t believe. Maybe we’re just plain tired or even burnt out from serving God or from enduring much tribulation. What if Judas had shared his doubts, his disillusionment with the other disciples? What if he’d gone back to them after betraying Jesus? Jesus still had to die for our sins so that we might be saved. So maybe I am getting into too deep of waters too early in the morning hours.
I guess all I am trying to say is that we all become disillusioned with God when who he actually is flies in the face of who we think he is or think he should be. Whenever God dethrones the graven images of himself that we’ve erected, we are disillusioned. We become disillusioned also when life doesn’t turn out the way we think it should and we blame God.
My encouragement for our disillusionment is to go to people we trust within the body of Christ. Even if we can’t believe or accept what they say in love, we can accept the love they show to us. We can ask that God would have mercy on us. We can rest like Elijah did in the wilderness after having confronted the prophets of Baal. After one of his most spectacular moments, he became depressed and disillusioned. God took care of him. Elijah had to do nothing but rely on God and God’s provision.
If you are disillusioned with God or life, I pray that you will not take drastic actions at this time. This is the time where you need to rest and allow God to take care of you. Pray for him to send some “ravens” into your life to care for you. Reach out and tell others (you can trust or think you can trust) about where you are at. Don’t give up until you find a good wise soul.
God has not left you alone nor abandoned even though everything in you screams that he has. I pray for you as you read this. I pray that the turbulence inside of you would be calmed and that you would find rest for your souls as you take Jesus’s yoke, or teaching, upon you.